I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Randomize
