whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
