My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
