you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
