Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
