so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
