Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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