I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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