New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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