Having a random hookup so left but love u
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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