i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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