On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
