Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
