I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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