He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
