big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
