Swine flu. Run for my life!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
