Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
