I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize