Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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