Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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