dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
