I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So vagazzling was a success
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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