hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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