I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I am midnight drunk by noon
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
