I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
