i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Houston, we have a blender
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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