I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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