Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
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My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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