I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
