I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
