I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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