I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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