I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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