I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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