I can text with my tongue
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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