Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
