apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am one with the molecules
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
