You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
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she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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