i jhust puked up my retainher.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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