he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
