Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
