And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
