So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
