If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
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Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
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So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize