You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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