Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
