As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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