shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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