Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
