Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
