How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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