i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
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Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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