I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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