fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
