I wish I could punch you in the face.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
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I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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