Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
