Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
