Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
