protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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