they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
