If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
