After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
