i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize