im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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