we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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