What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
