Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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