Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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