About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
