Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
