Do you still have your period?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
