i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
