My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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