I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
