There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
