i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
one two three fourrrrnication!
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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