when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
